How to Win Friends and Influence People

The book How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie is a very popular book and with millions of copies sold, the summery of the book is widely available, therefore I would like to give my thoughts about the book.

A deep sense of realization overtook me when I read through the pages of this book. It made me remember all the social anxiety, uncomfortable social interaction and loneliness that were a very big part of my early life. I was an introvert with low self-esteem and had very few friends and hardly visible in front of others.

As I flipped the pages, I wondered about how simple methods explained comprehensively in this book could have made my childhood and adulthood more cherishable and easy and influential. The book includes simple practical and applicable tips, which we can apply in our daily life with useful stories to teach these important principles.

Every one of us is convinced with reasons formed by ourselves than that of other, thus we respond to criticism, condemnation or complaint with hatred and harsh replies. I was very much like that which paved the way for more condemnation from friends. Dale Carnegie rightly points out that its better to hold your anger. He says “ if you want to gather honey, don’t kick over the beehive”.

Admitting my own mistake has always been very difficult for me. Firstly I would never think or accept it was wrong and will have ample justifications to prove my stand. The author wants us to admit it and be very clear about the admission and not try to hide under sulking or arrogance, as this will only amplify the negativity of those behaviors. I find great wisdom in his methods.

There are lots of methods comprehensively explained with examples on how to win friends and influence people, which are very practical and easy to use.

While it gives me pointers on winning friends and also development of self, some part of the book like be agreeable to everybody, find something to honesty, like about them and compliment them on it, talk about their interest only and ignore argument, basically act like a people pleaser at times and which may effect me to hold my stand and ultimately drain me of my energy.

Being born and brought up in a conventional Bhutanese house, our core values have always revolved around honesty and integrity with self and towards others. It has always taught us that if you want to win friends you have to do it the hard way by being yourself and risking rejection. If you want to influence people the only fair way to do is through honesty. All other means of praising, pretending to agree are skillful manipulations.

There are many takeaways from this book like development of personal and professional relationships, trying to see things from other person’s viewpoint. I am eagerly waiting to put it into practice.

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August 25th, 2019 by